General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to
drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers -- but imagine
if they did . . .
| HOT LINE: | "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" |
| CUSTOMER: | "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!" |
| HOT LINE: | "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?" |
| CUSTOMER: | "What's an ignition?" |
| HOT LINE: | "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine." |
| CUSTOMER: | "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?" |
| HOT LINE: | "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" |
| CUSTOMER: | "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!" |
| HOT LINE: | "Is the gas tank empty?" |
| CUSTOMER: | "Huh? How do I know!?" |
| HOT LINE: | "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?" |
| CUSTOMER: | "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?" |
| HOT LINE: | "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to install it for you." |
| CUSTOMER: | " I paid $12,000. for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!" |
| HOT LINE: | "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" |
| CUSTOMER: | "Your cars suck!" |
| HOT LINE: | "What's wrong?" |
| CUSTOMER: | "It crashed, that's what went wrong!" |
| HOT LINE: | "What were you doing?" |
| CUSTOMER: | "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed -- and now it won't start!" |
| HOT LINE: | "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?" |
| CUSTOMER: | "I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't crash anymore!" |
| HOT LINE: | "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" |
| CUSTOMER: | "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks." |
| HOT LINE: | "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?" |
| CUSTOMER: | "How do I work it?" |
| HOT LINE: | "Do you know how to drive?" |
| CUSTOMER: | "Do I know how to what?" |
| HOT LINE: | "Do you know how to drive?" |
| CUSTOMER: | "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car!" |