Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE): 
 
  #include <nonsense.h> 
  #include <lies.h> 
  #include <spyware.h> /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */ 
  #include <process.h> /* For the court of law */ 
 
  #define say(x) lie(x) 
  #define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE 
  #define next_year soon 
  #define the_product_is_ready_to_ship   another_beta_version 
 
  void main() 
  { 
    if (latest_window_version>one_month_old) 
    { 
      if (there_are_still_bugs) 
        market(bugfix); 
      if (sales_drop_below_certain_point) 
        raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION); 
    } 
    while(everyone_chats_about_new_version) 
    { 
      make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in 
  lie.h */ 
      if (rumours_grow_wilder) 
        make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play); 
      if (rumours_grow_even_wilder) 
      { 
        market_time=ready; 
        say("It will be ready in one month); 
        order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version); 
        order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version); 
        order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense); 
        vapourware=TRUE; 
        break; 
       } 
    } 
    switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress) 
    { 
       case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY: 
         say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just 
  testing"); 
         break; 
      case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK: 
         say("Yes it will work"); 
         ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work); 
         pretend(there_is_no_problem); 
         break; 
       case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS: 
         say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to" 
             " the 32 bits architecture"); 
         inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh"); 
         inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant" 
                "'cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs"); 
         inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will 
  triple"); 
         get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM); 
         break; 
       case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE: 
         say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for 
  everyone"); 
         register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book); 
         when(time_is_ready) 
         { 
           arrest(journalist); 
           brainwash(journalist); 
           when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree) 
           { 
             order(journalist, "write a nice objective article"); 
             release (journalist); 
           } 
         } 
         break; 
     } 
     while (vapourware) 
     { 
       introduction_date++; /* Delay */ 
       if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release) 
         break; 
       say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH); 
    } 
    release(beta_version) 
    while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware) 
    { 
      bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks; 
      release(new_and_even_better_beta_version); 
      introduce(more_memory_requirements); 
      if (customers_report_installation_problems) 
      { 
        say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem"); 
        if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play) 
        { 
          ignore(customer); 
          order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this 
  bastard"); 
        } 
      } 
      if ( bills_bank_account>skyhigh && marriage>two_years ) 
      { 
        divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her); 
        wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks); 
        marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies); 
        devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies); 
        if (boobies_start_to_hang) 
          dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies); 
      } 
      if (there_is_another_company) 
      { 
        steal(their_ideas); 
        accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas); 
        hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */ 
        wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit); 
        buy_out(other_company); 
      } 
    } 
    /* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry 
  at us */ 
    order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard); 
    buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem); 
    laugh_at(everyone, 
  for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version 
  ); 
  } 
 
  void bugfix(void) 
  { 
    charge (a_lot_of_money) 
    if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix) 
      say("It is not a bugfix but a new version"); 
    if (still_complaints) 
    { 
      ignore(customer); 
      register(customer, big_Bill_book); 
      /* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/ 
    } 
  } 

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